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Z-Squad Part IV — Cave In to SHAVEN HAVEN

Shaven Heaven

We don’t know in what sort of state you keep your dwelling. Perhaps, like us, you are immaculately clean, devoid of anything so common as a tainted fingernail or (Hell Forbid) bits of your primitive food caught in the primitive teeth of your primitive mouth. Though I get ahead of myself - I must not forget that you subje… I mean you PEOPLE have what is one of the most refined palates in this dusty, tiny, forgotten little backwater you call your galaxy, despite your essentially primitive organs.

Since our experimental creatures have been created, they have been living in an area of our laboratory that, as of today, I will no longer set tentacle in. Unfortunately, the three zombies we now possess have retained what must be one of the worst qualities of the Earth male - laziness. MONKEY PUFF, HELLBENDER AND RICKS MIX (“that’s MISTER RICKS MIX SIR to you Earthboy) know that they are something special and have started to think the world revolves around them. It’s time this place had a woman’s touch.

Six hours, six minutes and six seconds after i wrote the above entry. Everything is orderly once again. SHAVEN HAVEN arrived with little of the dramatic events that accompanied our taking possession of the other three zombies - but then women have always had subtler ways of conducting their warfare than men and this is true across the universe. A few quietly-breathed yet dagger-sharp words were all it took and now the sweet bouquet of the combined group pervades the corridors and I won’t be sorry if I never hear the words ‘chip shop’ again. I must speak with her and find out her secrets.


Height - 6’ (estimate)

Weight - Unknown

Nicotine - 0, 3 and 6mg

Personality - mysterious, secretive, intelligent

Flavour - softest strawberries, cool cream, contradictory custard

Clouds - unique, complete, exact

Even later on. We are talking without a specific purpose.  All of us. We are chatting, shooting the breeze. Conversing. She has brought us together. We are unstoppable now. Oh wretched mortals, we are here to take you. Come willingly into the cloud. Now. It’s easier that way.